Over the decades this site, like me, has been many things. It’s changed a lot, and sometimes it’s been forgotten. But throughout all of its history, it has been an exploration. Trying to discover itself and what it’s meant to do. What is it trying to explore? I’m not entirely sure. Somewhere in that is a meaning and an identity. Maybe that’s the point.
The future of this site is still uncertain, but I have a much better idea today then I did yesterday. All I know for sure is that I need to keep at it, keep working, and keep moving forward. It’ll get there.
Anxiety is something I’ve lived with all of my life, I just didn’t really acknowledge it until half a year ago.
Kelly and I were out to watch X-Men: Apocalypse. We don’t get to go out very often, and Kelly has been a big X-Men movie fan. After the first I think 15 minutes I felt very strange. A small discomfort had developed in my right arm. I’ve had these before, so I tried to ignore it, but it continued and grew stronger over the next hour. Kelly noticed and asked if everything was okay. I told her no, that I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t know if it was true, but I felt like I was having a heart attack. Kelly checked and confirmed that my heart rate was fairly fast.
So we left the movie and proceeded to the hospital. Once we got there, but before going into the ER, I was feeling a little better, and Kelly suggested maybe a drink to calm down. My heart rate had receded a bit, and maybe I was okay.
We went and got a beer, talked a little bit, but by the time we got back to the car my heart rate had jumped back up and I wasn’t feeling well again.
So, we went to the ER, where they did some tests. They were worried I might have a clot (a big concern for me being on Estrogen), or I might be in the process of having a heart attack. My heart rate was up around 140. They slapped a nitro patch on me, gave me some blood thinners, and we waited.
All the tests came back negative, but they kept me overnight since the test for a heart attack can take hours to show up, and if I was in the process of having one, it would not be showing up yet.
So I stayed the night at the hospital. Couldn’t sleep well, I was very uncomfortable. Let’s just say my last stay at a hospital many years ago was for back surgery. Not being able to move for several weeks, on top of a bad experience left a few unconscious scars that decided to show up. But that is a story for another day.
This gave me a lot of time to think. I realized that everything started with a scene at the beginning of the movie. It was a scene with Magneto and his family in Russia. It was not a pleasant scene, but it got me thinking of my late father and my own mortality with my kids.
If you read through this blog you will recall that I witnessed my own father’s violent death. I recognize that it was not his fault, but I’ve always felt deep down the pain of him leaving us, and of the horrible step-father that we inherited. This brings on extreme worry that I too may leave my own children and what that would do to them.
While I don’t fear death per-se, I immensely worry about it. I always have. I’m not ready to give this up yet, I feel that I’ve not accomplished whatever it is that I’m supposed to do.
In the end, it was anxiety that I had buried deep inside that lead me to the hospital. I came out knowing what I had to do. I had avoided it all my life, especially taking medication. I had worried that it would change me, strip a part of myself away. After hearing tales from others online for the past couple of years, I no longer felt that way. I wanted to be rid of this, and so I sought help.
It’s not perfect, but I’ve felt better the past several months. I’ve be more able and willing to take on my emotions and let them come out as I have them instead of stuffing them away.
If you’re having problems, seek help. There are many caring professionals out there that do want to, and can, help. Medication isn’t for everyone, but don’t be afraid of it. It won’t make you any less then yourself.
A teenage pizza delivery girl, fed up with her boss and his sexual advances, decides to quit by taking her deliveries one night and just eating them instead.
Unbeknownst to her, one of the pizzas was intended for a political rally and has been poisoned.
She is found later that night, dead in her car.
She wakes up to find herself in some sort of medical room. A strange voice calls out behind her. She turns to see a strange man sitting on the counter. He looks to be in some sort of goth inspired jester outfit.
After jumping down from the counter he bows to her, and on the way up puts a finger to his mouth to indicate silence.
The doors to the room open, and the girl turns to see an older man, apparently a doctor, step into the room. The city’s forensic pathologist is quite surprised to discover her sitting up on the table.
When the girl turns around, the strange man is gone.
As the weeks go by, life begins to return to normal. That’s when the strange things started to show up…
An alien species has arrived at earth. They demand earth’s finest specimens to compete in a series of games to determine the fate of humanity.
Members of Earth coordinate a series of Olympic trials to send the most gifted to face the aliens.
Unbeknownst to humanity, the games are real life creations of some of our movies and computer games performed in a virtual world similar to The Matrix.
The games are aired live to the entire world.
Humans find themselves completely outmatched and lose their first wave of contestants in a brutal defeat.
One human knows she can win, and sneaks aboard the transporter to the games.
Once inside she discovers that she can boost herself to perform more then she thought possible. She learns that some are able to alter or control part of the game world. This is why the aliens do so well.
Using her abilities she starts winning. The aliens have never lost before in the thousands of years and hundreds of worlds they have conquered. This makes them desperate and they start to cheat.
On this fantasy world only one form of magic exists. Magical stones.
For some reason these rocks have contained energy which can be unleashed to spectacular results. While rare, they can be mined, and are found similarity to other ores, though large veins are unheard of.
There are many different types of stones, each providing a different type of magical effect.
Red provides control over fire, dark blue over water, light blue over air, green over vegetation, black over decay, amber over containment, white over healing, etc.
These rocks when refined and cut in specific styles the power potential greatly increases.
People who specialize in knowledge, control, mining, and crafting / cutting of the rocks are called wizards.
Without training a person would have difficulties unleashing the power of the rocks and controlling it. This has potential to cause great tragedy and most people will simply shy away from even getting close to such a rock for fear of what may happen.
A wizard can control the power of the rocks through physical contact, and they can also be forged into objects such as weapons, armor, and jewelry. Though some crafty wizards build them into everyday objects to give them a life of their own and/or to provide wards or guards.
A long time from now, humanity starts to colonize out into space. They load up large ships with everything a new colony would need specialized for the planet they are destined for. The colonists are all placed into status for the long journey via sub-light speed.
Our protagonist wakes up, and finds herself groggy from status. Even still, she notices that things are not right. The ship is quiet, in a state of decay, and she is all alone. The air is humid and… plants, are growing everywhere. After a little walking, she discovers a huge rip in the hull of the ship letting her glimpse the outside world.
As she exits the ship, below her lies what looks like a bustling medieval metropolis.
As she descends toward the city, a strange man approaches her and welcomes her to her new life. As it turns out, thousands of years have passed since the metal city (the ship) crashed here. Once in a while a great old one (you) will come stumbling out of the wreckage and join the new world bringing much knowledge and prosperity.
This new world is in fact the world that our protagonist was headed for. Something happened in orbit and the ship crashed killing most of the colonists. Some survived and created their new life, albeit without most of their gear or technology. Over time a status chamber would disengage from deep in the ship and a new colonist would come stumbling out. Usually every decade or two at first. Now the protagonist is the first colonist to emerge in over a thousand years.
The human city is mostly fantasy in style, mixed with the occasional technology that was provided by a prior colonist. The technology is mostly mechanical since electronics have difficulty working here (probably radiation or some form of electromagnetic interferance).
Turns out “magic” works here, and is primarily controlled by the other species of this planet. Two dominant races which were coined “elves” and “dwarves” after myths back on earth.
Elves are very tall, thin, and almost wooden creatures. They keep to the forests, but have formed a complex civilization at harmony with the lush surface of this planet. They tend to be very sophisticated, but can be quick to judge.
Dwarves are short, stocky, almost rock like creatures. They tunnel deep into the planet, establishing large, complex cave structures. Not as advanced or sophisticated as the elves, but methodical, practical, nearly indestructible, and slow.
Humanity has been amongst the stars for untold generations. Moving from planet to planet is like taking a plane ride today.
The stars are littered with the remains of human civilizations, colonies, and history. So much history that in fact, there are things lost to time, buried, or otherwise misplaced in the cosmos.
The hero of this story is a treasure hunter and/or anthropologist making her way through the cosmic history of humanity. A sequence of events leads her on a quest to find… well, something. Something important, maybe mystical. Something thought to only be legend or fiction, but in truth actually exists, hidden away behind clues and guarded by deadly protections.
Think Nathan Drake or Indiana Jones… but in space, Star Wars style.
What if most of the animal species evolved alongside humans in a similar fashion?
It’s common for fiction, especially in animation, to replace humans with mostly bipedal human-like animals. A walking and talking mouse that wears clothes for instance. What if we twisted that concept to also include good old regular humans in the same world? Have all of these species evolve at the same time and in the same fashion.
How would the different species interrelate? Since these humans would have grown alongside these other species, would they still be dominant? Or would there be some form of harmony? Maybe a “dog” kingdom or a “cat” kingdom?
You could have a dog PI hunting down a human’s cat lover who was kidnapped by a gator.
In the near future, most medical technology revolves around artificially created viruses. Viruses specifically catered to the individual that target all sorts of issues, from aging to the common cold.
Say one day you wanted to change your hair color, eye color, or skin color. A quick trip to the salon, and the tech injects you with a new virus that in short order changes your color.
Or what happens when you get older? Another quick trip, this time to a clinic, and you could get another virus that repairs your cell structure to revitalize your youth.
You could even take this concept a step further. Say, mix this with nanotechnology. For example, a transgender person could have a virus that changes their DNA and cell structure, while nanobots could slowly alter their actual physical characteristics such as bone mass and shape.